Therapist in Los Angeles
Darren Haber MFT

Relationships

Why is dating so difficult?
Is it something we’re doing?

Let’s face it, being lonely sucks. Those 3 a.m. questions can be haunting: Will I ever meet the right person? What if I’m alone forever?

It’s hard if not impossible to have perspective. We’re too immersed in our lives to be objective. Plus many of our beliefs, feelings and motives are unconscious. Some secretly wonder if, for example, they really deserve love, or wrestle with very mixed feelings about it. Maybe we are looking for perfection, as a way of guarding against disappointment. relationshipsWe might feel that finding someone would be somehow “disloyal” to a previous partner or even a parent.

Maybe we suffered abandonment or abuse earlier in our lives, and are terrified of a repetition. Losing love can be as terrifying as never finding it.

Or maybe we have found someone, and struggle with disappointment or overwhelming feelings. No one can live up to romantic ideals, though letting go isn’t easy. And maintaining intimacy can mean confronting long-closeted skeletons.

Still, being lonely sucks.

I can help.

I’ve helped hundreds of people solve these internal mysteries, and walk through whatever fear is holding them back from truly connecting. I believe strongly in honest, direct and empathic communication, in helping my clients discover their own authentic desires and hopes, and finding ways to pursue them. A solid, intimate relationship often needs to be developed, not only “discovered.”

Most of all, I believe that the experience is the goal, that it’s best to work with what’s in front of us, and not put off dealing with whatever’s in the way. Otherwise, our fantasies are likely to remain just that. Odd as it may sound, it’s often the attitude and self-knowledge of who we are that’s just as important as who we’re with.

The things that do scare us can also motivate us to transform. And I’m here to tell you that real romance, lasting intimacy, rarely looks like what we expected.

Tell loneliness to take a hike. Give yourself a chance to discover what blocks you from close connection. Feel free to email, or pick up the phone, and run your problem by me. I’m good at solving them, and I enjoy it. Thanks for stopping by my site.